34 Things

So I turned 34 years old a couple of weeks ago. This is a bit strange for me, as I’ve always felt young and not always comfortable in my own skin. I remember a phase of elementary school, when I was 8 years old. The 7th graders looked so insanely grown and mature to me. I still have a picture in my brain of this one particular 7th grade girl who I saw everyday in the carpool/bus line after school. I swear the girl looked like this everyday waiting for the bus….

She was Debbie Harry. She was Blondie. She went to my school. Oh, and she was in 7th grade. One slight variation from this picture may have been the trendy, black,  Members Only jacket that said girl would stylishly pair with select ensembles. All of this to say, that this 34th year has had me thinking about some things. 

#1. Those elementary school days were filled with dreams, wonder, overwhelming insecurity, and private concerts to thousands of adoring fans in my bedroom every night. Twenty plus years later I am not Debbie Harry. I thought I would be at this point.

#2. I’ve known this for years, but the fact remains that I’ve lived out of fear for most of my life. I’ve daydreamed til I’ve fallen asleep, talked about inventions, discussed revolutions of the mind and heart… yet most challenges set before me and most of my dreams were never truly given a chance.  Fear of failure, fear of succeeding, fear of what other people may think, fear, fear, fear. This is not an uncommon theme for humans, but it surely has dictated most of my days. In recent years I’ve been learning to tell fear to suck it. It’s a daily battle.

#3. Currently I really don’t have a desire to be big and famous like Debbie Harry. I am actually quite thankful and proud of some pretty awesome things that I have helped co-create in this life. These things bring meaning, substance, and never-ending gratitude into my life every minute.

#4. Even though things are relatively awesome, I still have to force myself to act. To get outside my comfort zone to do things I love. Doesn’t make much sense, eh? I know. Things I love shouldn’t seem so hard. Well, they aren’t when I actually do them. The reality is that nothing that’s worth it is ever easy. Even the good stuff is a challenge.

The Challenge

A brilliant friend of mine started creating a list on her birthday a few years back. The list consists of things she’d like to accomplish within that year before her next birthday. The number of items on the list reflects her new age. The goals can be large or small, but what determines the importance of something like that anyway? The small stuff is usually pretty profound..especially if it’s on a list. Anyhoo! I’m starting a list for my 34th year. This is not the purpose of my blog, but it will definitely be a recurring thought. Now it will be out there…I’ll see it. Other people will see it. There is some sense of accountability and motivation. I hope to conquer the list, but I hear it’s not always easy. In addition to stepping out of fear I’m also learning to be more forgiving and loving toward myself. We’ll see how it all pans out. I am still concocting the list which I will post soon. I will say, I can already check one thing off (I LOVE checking things off of a list). Publishing my blog. There is 1 of my 34 things.

This isn’t just about doing things I love, nor about being self-indulgent. This is about living abundantly, and doing the things I was created to do. “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart”. True dat. I believe it, and I’ve seen it. Here’s to the journey…